Day 37, January 31

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

It's been a challenging and stressful week for Ed and me adjusting to things at home since his amputation. His pain is less, but he just overall doesn't feel real well.  Probably a lot of that is medications and just his overall weakness from such a traumatic surgery.

I've had trouble practicing mindfulness and focusing on myself. I was driving home and talking to my sister (I know - not good). At any rate, she told me to hang up, turn on the radio and be in the moment. I thought this was a good suggestion, because listening to music is a mindful living strategy that I have read about. Music therapy has proven effective in treating people, because classical, instrumental, soft jazz and slow-tempo songs can calm your nerves when you are under pressure, upset, anxious and/or angry. For music to help you, a person should "let the music consume you and allow yourself to experience the emotions that arise in you while you listen to the songs."

So, that is what I did. I turned on the radio. What a great suggestion. The song that was on the radio when I turned it on was "Jesus" by Chris Tomlin. There could not have been a more perfect song to lift my spirits. If you haven't heard it, here's a link to it on YouTube:

Jesus by Chris Tomlin

Day 36, January 30

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

 My mindful journey seems to be moving in slow motion right now. I've gone backwards on some things, like mindful eating, and seem to not have the energy it takes to be mindful as much as I'd like. Crazy that it actually takes effort to be mindful. I think this is because it does not come naturally to me, and because we live in a world of constant distractions. Add to that our personal challenges right now, and I can justify to myself not living in the moment fully. However, when I do focus on "right now" and live in the moment, I am much less stressed and feel more at peace. So, while it's moving slowly, I won't stop practicing what I've learned about mindful living.

Day 35, January 29

"Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can't speak."

Today has been an emotional day for me. I have found myself crying a lot. I've cried for joy for all the generosity being shown Ed and me. I've cried for loss over the things that Ed may never do again. I've cried from fatigue and the longing of a full night's sleep. There's honestly been times today when I wasn't even sure why I was crying. A friend sent me the picture below today, which was excellent timing. I think it would be good for me to practice "the pause".

 

Day 34, January 28

"Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew."

My inspirational calendar had the following quote for today:

"After every storm the sun will smile; for every problem there is a solution and the soul's indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer. " - William Alger

This seemed very fitting since Ed and I have been doing a lot of problem solving since his return home from the hospital. We have encountered many scenarios that need adapted due to his amputation. We've laughed at some, been quite frustrated at times, and are both pretty exhausted today. But we got through today's challenges and blessings by staying focused on the moment.

Day 33, January 27

"Home Sweet Home"

 Ed got home from the hospital today! Yay! We got home about 5. It's so good for him to be home and he is resting comfortably.

I have to be honest and tell you that I was worrying and emotional a lot today. But, as I write this and am reflecting on things, I don't know why I worry. I guess old habits die hard. When I return my focus to "living mindfully", I remember - right now all is okay! It's better than okay, because we are home, and we are continually surrounded by love and support of family and friends. In fact, I am overwhelmed with gratitude! My friend from work brought food to us when we got home, and she also set up a meal train and several people have volunteered to bring food over the next few weeks to help us out. We have friends and family that are planning to come hang out with Ed next week so I can return to work. My son prepared some things at the house for us. My uncle is coming to  help brainstorm ideas on remodeling our bathroom. Ed's pain is under control for the first time in a very long time. So as today winds down, I'm letting go of my worries and choose to be thankful for today!

 

Day 32, January 26

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

I feel like Ed and I, especially Ed, are learning to "surf the waves". We are moving forward on this new journey that we are on. Ed put on his prosthesis today, stood in the parallel bars, and even took a few steps with assistance (hopped more like it, but it was awesome). I went to work this morning which was nice...yes...I was glad to be at work! We are hoping for Ed to go home tomorrow so we can begin adjusting to our new normal. I plan to refocus on being in the moment and enjoy simple pleasures so as not to be overwhelmed with things we need to change.

Day 31, January 25

Something great is headed your way, be patient and be positive.

When I started this blog my primary goal was to worry less and not experience so much anxiety. Ed having a leg amputation and a hospital stay is certainly challenging these behavior changes I'm trying to accomplish. Some days I have been more successful than others. But  mostly, I feel like I'm making great progress. I read that mindfulness works, in part, by helping people to accept their experiences—including painful emotions—rather than react to them with aversion and avoidance. My practice of living mindfully is what is helping me stay focused and positive during this difficult time. While I've had breakdowns, worries and frustrations, they have not been all consuming as I think they would have been in the past.

Today as Ed continues his recovery in the hospital and we work together with hospital staff to figure out the best, safest transition for him, I've tried to focus on him and what he wants and needs. Ed has amazed me in his determination to get better and get home. He has a remarkably positive attitude, which I think in part is because of all of the support and love that surrounds him. He (we) have a lot of trials ahead, but are working at being patient, positive and taking one day at a time.

Day 30, January 24

Always be mindful of the kindness, not the fault of others.

Today was Ed's first full day post surgery. There were a lot of good things that happened today. He got up and in the wheelchair with the help of physical therapy. We began discussions on next steps and figuring out needs and accommodations for getting Ed home. I felt more in control of my emotions and more mindful of the people I was around. I have so much going on with Ed and communicating with people, I'm not "in the moment" as much as I would like. However, I was very mindful today of the positives and most especially the kindness surrounding us. We've had an enormous amount of support as we begin this journey through a difficult time. Also, I tried myself to be kinder to the hospital staff today. There are many frustrations when a loved one is in the hospital. Yesterday I felt I was taking my frustrations out on the people trying to help us. While the care isn't always optimal, I need to remember the hospital staff are working in an understaffed environment and are always doing their best. The kinder I am to them. The kinder they are to me. It's really that simple. If I want Ed to stay relaxed, I need to stay relaxed and calm. It's the only control I have over someone elses state of mind. Bottom line, today I practiced being mindful of kindness.

Day 29, January 23

With fatigue comes a lack of concentration.

Today I have not been mindful. I've tried but struggled. Yesterday was a long day, as was the night. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. So I will step back, regroup and do better tomorrow. 

Ed got through surgery with no problems. We are thankful for all of the prayers. I am thankful to be through the first, difficult phase of this journey.

Day 28, January 22

 Always remember that good things come out of the bad; no matter how small they may seem."

 
One of the strategies I've posted about in the past is being mindful of your inner dialogue with yourself. In other words - think positive. One of my biggest struggles is watching Ed in so much pain and being helpless to do anything about it. I just have to tell myself that "this too shall pass", and I focus on the positives as much as I can. One of the positives for us is the outpouring of love and support from our family, friends and people at work! Many have offered to help us in any way they can. Thanks to everyone for this!! It really is what helps us get through.

Day 27, January 21

"The struggle you're in today, is developing the strength you need for tomorrow."

Yesterday Ed and I got the news that after all of the struggles he's been through over the last month the muscle in his leg calf was "not viable". They are planning to amputate his leg above the knee Monday. Since on Thursday he had an ultrasound done that showed good blood flow, and he had pulses in his ankle, we were not expecting this. They were doing surgery to debride his wounds, thinking this was causing his pain, when they discovered that his calf muscle necrosis. Ed lost his right leg 4 1/2 years ago, so this will make him a double amputee. It is a difficult situation. One that we are both still processing. Ed continues to be in an enormous amount of pain, so my prayer is that he will at least be pain free after the surgery.

My "go to" reaction with difficult news is worry, anger, and frustration. There were many tears yesterday. My mind was everywhere and my anxiety was sky high. Today I am "regrouping" and trying to practice what I have been working on this year in being mindful. I realized today that a situation such as what we are going through now is exactly when I need to stay in the present moment. My mind has been all over the place. "What all needs done to the house?" "How is Ed going to handle this?" "How much work will I need to miss?" "How is he going to be able to (fill in the blank)?" I realized today I need to rein it in and take one issue at a time. Let go of the "what ifs?", the "whys?" and the "hows?". The next several months will be too difficult if I don't stay in the present and deal with the issues one at a time.

Please pray and send your positive thoughts our way. Especially Monday when Ed will be having his surgery.

Day 26, January 20

"As we understand more about our habits of mind, we can take more skillful action in the way we think."

 

Today I am practicing mindfulness by remembering to...

Breathe

and

"This too" . . .

Day 25, January 19

"The habits that took  years to build, do not take a day to change." - Susan Powter

Full disclosure - I was not at all mindful today! Ed unexpectedly had an appointment up in Johnson County today. This was good, because we've been wanting him to get into his surgeon to see what's going on with his leg pain. But, I found myself multi-tasking all morning to get things done before noon so I could get him to his appointment by 1:30. As a result of the appointment, he will have surgery tomorrow to debride his wounds. We hope this helps with his pain. I had a hair appointment when we got home from his appointment. Instead of relaxing and enjoying being pampered, I was emailing on my phone and texting. I thought it NEEDED done in preparation for being gone tomorrow. The reality is, it did need done - but NOT while I was getting my hair done. That was my anxiety taking over. Oh well - old habits take awhile to change. I bet, however, I wouldn't be nearly as exhausted  right now if I would have relaxed and been more mindful while getting my hair done.

Please keep Ed in your prayers tomorrow.

Day 24, January 18

"This too shall pass."

My goal for this year is to learn to live more mindfully. As with many things, it is easy when all is going well in life. But when things are challenging, it is more difficult. I found on a blog called Mrs. Mindful some insight on this. Here is an excerpt from a blog post on  How to Use Mindfulness In Times of Crisis or Challenge:


"When life presents us with the unpleasant and the unwanted there is a strong tendency of the mind to resist what is happening. Resistance to pain, though, just creates more suffering. It’s futile. . . . Feelings of fear, grief and loss naturally arise, and if I let them come and go without suppression, that is healthy and natural.

But if I begin to get into mental resistance patterns like ‘why is this happening to me?’ or ‘it’s not fair’ or ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ or ‘I want this to stop/ change/ go my way’ then I start fighting with reality. I start fighting with the present moment – and that, I know, is completely futile and just creates more layers of suffering. I will also lose touch with myself and the present moment if I get into resistance.

But the tendency to resist is strong when there is a lot of unpleasantness. That’s why I have been using my mantra that I always use in difficult times ‘This too.’

‘This too’ is my abbreviation for saying ‘I accept unconditionally the unfolding of this present moment in whatever form it takes – this too is allowed and accepted.’

‘This too’ reminds me to soften my resistance. It reminds me to stay grounded in presence (as best I can) and connects me to background of ease and peace even in the middle of this pain. I often repeat it mentally, sometimes out loud."

 Ed continues to struggle with pain. Tomorrow he will see a doctor so hopefully we will get some answers. In the meantime, I believe there is something to learn from "Mrs. Mindful" and I will remember...'This too'!

Day 23, January 17

 "Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel, energies are contagious."

I've been reading some of  John Maxwell's books and tonight I was reading about improvement  and learning. He states that while motivation is what gets you going, the positive habits you develop and practice consistently are what keep you improving. I'm on Day 23 and doing really well with some things. For example, I consistently eat my main meals without distractions now. Staying completely focused and in the moment, I'm doing better with, but it still takes a conscious effort. I do feel some of the strategies (like focusing on my breathing) help. And definitely praying is helping me a lot right now.

I want to thank everyone that is praying for us right now! Being mindful of the positives in life, such as the love and support of family and friends, is important for living mindfully. I am blessed to have you all in my life!

Day 22, January 16

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10

There are some days when prayer is what keeps me from being overly anxious and worrying. Today was one of those days. Ed is struggling with a lot of pain. His healing has been slow. It is hard to watch him and have little to offer. It is hard not to wonder "what if". I am thankful to have faith to give me strength.

I ate much better today and I went to a new exercise class. Thirty minutes of spin (bike) and 30 minutes of yoga. It felt good to exercise and focus on getting healthy and take my mind off of things.

If you are reading this, please keep Ed in your prayers. Pray for healing and relief from pain.

Day 21, January 15

I change my life by changing my behaviors.

Today's post won't be long. Full confession - I've struggled with mindful eating this weekend and have been quite lazy! Finally, this afternoon, I thought to myself "ENOUGH"! I got off of the couch and went for a 2 mile walk! It felt good. I feel ready for the week. I've posted about affirmations, but have not been practicing them like I planned to. I'm going to print my affirmations and put them on my mirror. This week's goal is to say my affirmations daily.

To all of my readers, have a blessed, wonderful week!

Day 20, January 14

Winter is a season of recovery and preparation. - Paul Theroux

As a person who loves spring and summer, I sometime struggle in the winter. Slowing down and relaxing during the cold winter days and nights is a challenge for me. Yet, I realize this year, that it is a perfect opportunity to replenish myself, just like nature does. It is a perfect time of year to practice living mindfully. This morning I went for a walk in the cold. While I love to walk, it's not something I usually do in the cold. I found it so refreshing! The ice was just beginning to thaw so there wasn't much traffic. I observed a woodpecker, geese flying overhead, and truly enjoyed the serenity of the morning.

I read the article, "The Ways of Winter Mindfulness" in Psychology Today, which talked about the benefits of winter for our body. According to this article, we should use winter as a time to  "chill out,” to mindfully step back—if you will—and look closely, introspectively as well as outwardly, and objectively as well as subjectively, at where we have been, where we are at the moment, and where we want to be in the future.

My challenge for myself, and for my readers is this: 

Embrace the stillness of the cold dark winter. 

Rest, relax and renew!

Day 19, January 13

If you're struggling, that means you're progressing.

I used the same quote today as yesterday because I'm still struggling with mindful eating. I'm thinking back to my mindful eating questions. Am I bored? (A little) Am I eating due to emotions? (Yes). I'm working through my "whys" so I can figure out what's really going on with my cravings.

It's a cold winter evening with an ice storm approaching. As I write this the sprinkles have started and I noticed the deck is starting to glaze over. I hope we don't lose power, and I pray for the safety of those that have to work in this weather or for anyone that needs to be out for other reasons. As for me, I plan to stay in this weekend, refocus on my goals, read, reflect and hopefully have a peaceful weekend with my husband.

For anyone reading this  - stay warm and safe! 

Day 18, January 12

If you're struggling, that means you're progressing.

Today I have struggled with mindful eating. I got into the chocolate kisses. :) Oh - and then I had a couple of brownies. I must say, I enjoyed both. And since I promised not to beat myself up and be negative, my attitude is - tomorrow is a new day!

Day 17, January 11

Breath. Step back. Think.Then React

 Today I'm still struggling a little with being mindful. I'm overthinking, wanting to plan, and really wanting to mindlessly eat a bunch of junk (which so far I have resisted). I plan to do yoga and read, which will help quiet my mind.

 

Day 16, January 10

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

Practicing mindfulness when life is going great is much easier than when there is stress in your life.  For me, my husband's constant pain following his surgery continues to trouble me. Tonight I was looking at mindful resources to help me be mindful when times are tough. Here's a few great points I want to share:

• Remember thoughts aren't necessarily reality. I'm wasting today if I fill my mind with a bunch of what ifs instead of focusing on what is.
• Breath!  A deep breath can return you to the present moment.
• Accept things as they are instead of how they used to be.
• Remember that all things come and go.

Day 15, January 9

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out. --Robert Collier

Today's quote is my reminder that this journey to mindful living will be easier some days than others. As I mentioned in "My Story", mindfulness does not come naturally to me. I want to plan, multi-task, worry and I'm often in a hurry. Today was one of those days when my mind seemed to constantly wander and I had to consciously bring myself back "to the moment". I know I'm making progress, however, because of my awareness when I started thinking about things other than the task at hand. My husband is still recovering from a very major surgery, so my tendency to worry about him is a constant battle. Here's something I read on livingmindfully.org:

 Mindfulness lets us stand back from our thoughts, and start to see their patterns. Gradually we can train ourselves to notice when our thoughts are taking over, and realize that thoughts are simply ‘mental events’ that do not have to control us. 

 I am beginning to recognize patterns as to when I worry more. When I'm tired, when my husband has a bad day, or when I start trying to accomplish too many things at once. I will continue to "train" myself to notice when my thoughts are taking over so I can turn the negative thoughts into positive ones.

Does anyone else recognize patterns in their thought processes?

Day 14, January 7

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” ~Amit Ray

At two weeks into my Mindful Living journey I'm happy to say there are some things that are become easier. I eat each meal at the table now without my phone! I'm more engaged when I'm  with my grand kids, which is making my time with them more enjoyable. I'm still working on being more consistent with positive affirmations and catching myself with negative self talk. I still tend to multi-task a lot, which I hope to do less of in the future. At some point, I plan to try meditation, but I haven't yet. Already I can feel the benefits of mindful living. I'm excited to see how much my anxiety improves as I continue to improve on my mindful living habits.

Day 13, January 7

“Our own worst enemy cannot harm us as much as our unwise thoughts. No one can help us as much as our own compassionate thoughts.” ~Buddha

My newfound awareness of things has made me realize I do a lot of negative self talk. Looking in the mirror and thinking things like "You look fat", or "You look old". I was telling my personal trainer about this and she asked me, "Would you talk to your daughter that way?" "Of course not," I told her. "Then you shouldn't talk to yourself that way!" Profound advise! According to the Mayo Clinic, negative self-talk can induce physical as well as emotional stress, harming your cardiovascular health, gut health, and immune system. So what can you do? One thing  you can do is to just tell yourself to stop. Another is to develop positive affirmations and focus on those. And a final suggestion, turn the negative thought into a positive one.

Today I struggled more with mindful eating. I've been fighting the tendency to eat just to be eating. On a positive note, I only gave in once despite having the desire several times throughout the day. Also, this morning, Ed was having pain in his leg so we spent three hours at the medical clinic. Lately he's had a lot of health issues, so I had to really fight not to sit there and think the worst. To help me, I repeated the Serenity prayer several times. That prayer always gives me a sense of peace.

Day 12, January 6

The expert in anything was once a beginner.

I'm twelve days into my mindful living journey. Overall, I feel like it's going well, and I can most definitely see the benefits! Being more engaged at work, with my eating, with the people I'm with...all of this has made my days more joyful. I'm far from being an expert at living mindfully, but I'm learning a lot and motivated to continue forward!

Day 11, January 5

If children gave up when they fell for the first time, they would never learn to walk.

Why is mindful eating so hard? Learning to eat mindfully has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. So, I've been reading various internet articles on mindful eating and why it can be difficult. Below are a few things I have learned from my reading, and a few excuses I've used myself.

Mindful eating takes too long. It is difficult to slow down and focus on what  we are eating, let alone how are body is responding to it. However, it doesn't have to take a long time. Sure, a meal might take a little longer than a snack. But, if you decide to have that cookie or piece of  chocolate, why not take a break (most likely just a few minutes) and really enjoy the treat? One article suggested turning that break into a "mini-meditation" session.

Society makes mindful eating hard. Eating at your desk, grabbing a smoothy on the run, and checking Facebook while eating are all acceptable in today's society. I remember years ago my husband and I were doing some work for my grandparents. (Well,  he was doing most of the actual work.) When it was time for lunch, they  had us stop and my grandmother had us all sit at the table and have a small, yet well-balanced meal. They would never have considered just giving us a sandwich or something that we could grab bites of on and off while we continued working.

Mindful eating "feels silly". Some people think it's just silly and unnecessary to focus on just one thing at a time, especially eating. If you think about how a toddler eats, however, mindful eating is human nature. Toddlers play with their food, touch it, smell it and taste it. Eating is an experience (sometimes a pretty messy one).

We have developed poor eating habits. I've read that it takes as little as 21 days to as many as 60 days to form a new habit. I've been eating on the run and while multi-tasking for quite awhile now. I need to be patient in forming new habits.

Overall, I feel that I'm making pretty good progress with my mindful eating. Usually, it's old habits that get in my way, For example, yesterday I was cutting up an apple to eat, but I had half of it eaten before I had finished slicing it up. For my readers, which of the above (or other) reason makes mindful eating difficult for you?

Mindful eating is a new skill that we can all work on one bite at a time.

Day 10, January 4

When walking walk. When eating eat. - Zen proverb

One of the items on the checklist for mindful eating is to sit while eating. Since standing burns more calories than sitting, one might wonder why it matters whether or not you sit while eating. First of all, when you sit while eating you will most likely slow down  and chew more. It takes about 20 minutes for feelings of fullness to reach your brain, so eating slower will help prevent overeating. Also, when you are standing at the refrigerator or counter eating, you most likely aren't giving the food you're eating your full attention. I know, I know...it's hard to stop, slow down and eat! But why not give it a try?

Today, I struggled more with mindful eating, because I was by myself at work so I really thought it would be a good use of my time to finish up some work while eating. But, I'm happy to report, I put the computer away and ate mindfully! I ate some walnuts while driving today, but at least I was eating because I was hungry and not just to pass the time, which is often the case. 

How are you doing with your mindful eating?

Day 9, January 3

"Mindful eating is eating with intention while paying attention." -  Kati Konersman RD, CDF

I'm surprised at how much I have the desire to do other things while eating.  I have to remind myself to put my phone, book, or computer away. It's getting easier, but it's not automatic. My habit is to still grab for something to do while I am eating. 

So why does multitasking while eating cause weight gain? According to the American Journal for Clinical Nutrition, not only does distracted eating cause you to eat more at meals (because you feel less full), it also tends to lead to extra eating later on because you don’t have strong memories of what you already ate!

Today's successes: I had a few bites while fixing my evening meal. However, with that exception I ate sitting, and I did not multi-task. I'm still working on slowing down. How did you do?

A reminder of the mindful eating checklist:
Am I sitting?

Eating fast or slow?

Mindlessly munching or noticing each bite?

Asking “How hungry am I on a scale from 1 to 10”?

Multi-tasking or truly focused on the meal?

Rumbling stomach or, bored, stressed, anxious, etc?

Day 8, January 2, 2017

"Never eat anything you don't enjoy, and truly enjoy everything you eat."

I’ve been working on mindful eating for several days now. I thought others might have eating healthier as a New Year’s Resolution, so I am sharing this short checklist I came across from eatingmindfully.com. It is really helping me with my accountability.

Am I sitting?

Eating fast or slow?

Mindlessly munching or noticing each bite?

Asking “How hungry am I on a scale from 1 to 10”?

Multi-tasking or truly focused on the meal?

Rumbling stomach or, bored, stressed, anxious, etc?

This week mindful eating will be a priority for me, so each evening I will reflect on these questions and post on my blog how I did. Does anyone want to join me?
Today's successes:   

• I was sitting for each meal and did not multi-task! 
• I slowed down when eating. I tend to eat very fast, so for me it seemed slow. But there's still room for improvement. 
• No mindless munching today. Yay! This one is a struggle for me! 
• I only ate three meals today. No snacking. 

 

Day 7

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” - Robert Brault

Children find such joy from playing and being in the moment. There is a lot we can learn from children about living mindfully.  After all, children tend to do this naturally. Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend my grandson Brody's 7th birthday party. I spent the day with him, Ellie, who is 4 and Cade who is 19 months (although he's behind due to being a heart baby). I few things I noticed:

Children don't mind being the center of attention. Brody was a happy, proud birthday boy!

Children are fully engaged when playing and being with their friends. For the entire birthday party Brody and his friends were playing hard and were fully engaged in what they were doing.

Children are open about their feelings. If someone was 'out' in their Capture the Flag game, you could see their disappointment. But, when it was time for a new round, they were up and excited to be playing again.

Children are comfortable doing their own thing. They don't worry about what others think. I took Ellie a hand-me-down summer dress thinking it would be put away until summer. But she caught sight of it and wanted to wear it. Of course, because it was sleeveless, her mom told her not to wear it. Not to be deterred, she put a long sleeve dress on over the top of the sleeveless one. Throughout the party she alternated between the two. She was unconcerned about what anyone thought.

Children will try new things. Ellie wants to start dance, so she got new ballet slippers yesterday. Last night she put them on with her pink leggings and leotard and began dancing away.


These are just a few things we can learn from kids about living mindfully! Happy New Year to everyone! Don't forget to enjoy the year as a kid would!