Day 27, January 21

"The struggle you're in today, is developing the strength you need for tomorrow."

Yesterday Ed and I got the news that after all of the struggles he's been through over the last month the muscle in his leg calf was "not viable". They are planning to amputate his leg above the knee Monday. Since on Thursday he had an ultrasound done that showed good blood flow, and he had pulses in his ankle, we were not expecting this. They were doing surgery to debride his wounds, thinking this was causing his pain, when they discovered that his calf muscle necrosis. Ed lost his right leg 4 1/2 years ago, so this will make him a double amputee. It is a difficult situation. One that we are both still processing. Ed continues to be in an enormous amount of pain, so my prayer is that he will at least be pain free after the surgery.

My "go to" reaction with difficult news is worry, anger, and frustration. There were many tears yesterday. My mind was everywhere and my anxiety was sky high. Today I am "regrouping" and trying to practice what I have been working on this year in being mindful. I realized today that a situation such as what we are going through now is exactly when I need to stay in the present moment. My mind has been all over the place. "What all needs done to the house?" "How is Ed going to handle this?" "How much work will I need to miss?" "How is he going to be able to (fill in the blank)?" I realized today I need to rein it in and take one issue at a time. Let go of the "what ifs?", the "whys?" and the "hows?". The next several months will be too difficult if I don't stay in the present and deal with the issues one at a time.

Please pray and send your positive thoughts our way. Especially Monday when Ed will be having his surgery.